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How Can I Ever Forgive Myself (Part 7)
How Can I Ever Forgive Myself (Part 7)
In Christ Jesus, God has forgiven us. Sadly, we sometimes wallow in our sins because we can’t accept that forgiveness or forgive ourselves. We aren’t set free because we continually view ourselves as trapped in our sin. We can’t imagine how God can see anything but our sin because that is all we see. But there is hope, we can work through a process to accept forgiveness. We’ve already learned seven steps in this process.
Step #1: Own your sin.
Step #2: Own all your sinning.
Step #3: Accept yourself where you are.
Step #4: Mourn the loss of your ideal self.
Step #5: Humble yourself.
Step #6: Bring your sins to God and embrace His promises.
Step #7: Confess your sins to another person.
But even after confession there is more you need to do to embrace your forgiveness and live as forgiven.
Step #8: Stop comparing yourself to others.
I love a phrase a friend of mine once used to describe how he viewed himself. He called it “terminal uniqueness.” It is demonstrated in one of two ways. On the one hand, you might be terminally unique by thinking you aren’t as bad as others and, therefore, don’t need as much forgiveness. That was demonstrated by Simon the Pharisee in Luke 7:36-50. The sinful woman was the real sinner in Simon’s eyes. He was so much better than her. Because of that comparison, he never recognized how much he needed the forgiveness that comes from Jesus.
On the other hand, you might be terminally unique by thinking you are so much worse than others that the remedy God offers surely can’t apply to you. Judas is a great example of this in Matthew 27:3-10. He couldn’t imagine being forgiven, so he refused to repent. Instead, he killed himself.
Both Simon and Judas were “terminally unique.” Because they compared themselves to others, they died. Quit comparing yourself to others; that will only lead to your own “terminal uniqueness.” Everyone is a sinner in need of a Savior (cf. Romans 3:9-26). So what if someone might classify your sins as worse or better? Everyone needs forgiveness. The amazing thing is so many of us look at others and despair that we are not as good as they are, while they are looking at us with the exact same feeling.
But what if it really is true? What if you can objectively say you’ve committed a worse sin than someone else? So what? According to Romans 5:6-8, Jesus died to forgive you. He died to forgive you even if you are the worst sinner in the world. Paul took comfort in that in I Timothy 1:15-16. If God could forgive Paul, He can forgive you.
Step #9: Quit punishing yourself.
It is so easy to get caught up in believing how undeserving you are because of your sins. You feel like some cosmic misalignment has taken place because you are being blessed instead of cursed. So you sabotage and punish yourself. You assure that nothing good can happen to you. After all, you are a sinner and you deserve bad things. But if God has forgiven you in Christ Jesus, why not accept other blessings from His hand as well?
It’s almost like you think you can somehow punish yourself enough to make up for your sins. It is like a penance. But you can’t. You can’t put yourself through enough bad stuff to make up for what you did. You can’t earn your way into heaven by making life your own personal hell. You won’t gain God’s righteousness by punishing yourself. You can’t earn God’s grace and forgiveness. If you try, you’ll only separate yourself from it.
This is the heart of forgiveness. At those moments when you want to heap condemnation and punishment on yourself, either verbally or by sabotaging your life, pause and remind yourself that Jesus died so you don’t have to. Vengeance is God’s job (Romans 12:19). If He decides you need to be punished, let Him do it. If He doesn’t punish you, He doesn’t need you taking up His job and doing it for Him. Let it go.
Instead, affirm your relationship with God. Start affirming that you are in Christ, that Jesus has taken your punishment so that you do not have to punish yourself. Read Psalm 32. That is exactly what David is doing. He is affirming his relationship with God and the forgiveness he had there.
Certainly, you will suffer consequences for your sins. If you’ve lived your life with drinking and drunkenness, forgiving yourself will not remove your cirrhosis of the liver. If you’ve lived your life in immorality, forgiving yourself will not patch up all those broken relationships or immediately make you capable of having a healthy relationship. If you’ve done something worthy of punishment by the civil authorities, forgiving yourself will not remove that. In fact, based on Paul’s example in Acts 25:11, you must be willing to accept that consequence and punishment; it comes from God (Romans 13:1-4). You, however, do not have to be your own judge, jury, and executioner. Quit punishing yourself.
We have two more steps to this process of forgiving yourself. I know it has been long. I know it has been tough. I know it takes work. But the serenity that comes from it is well worth it. We will have one more article in this series with the final two steps.
--Edwin L. Crozier
